Incorporating Feedback
Resources: Revising, Peer Reviewing, and Proofreading and Constructive Feedback Turorial. Read Ch. 5, Finalization for Writing in the University of Phoenix Essay Guidelines. To download the entire document, go to the Center for Writing Excellence. Click Writing Wizards. Click Guidelines for Writing Academic Papers. Address the following: What feedback did you receive from your instructor? From the peer reviewer? From the Center for Writing Excellence? Explain how you will incorporate the feedback into your paper. How does this feedback improve your expository essay?
What feedback did you choose not to include? Explain your answers. My essay is on: Fast foods can lead to obesity. Here’s my feedback from my peer. Peer Review of Your Essay Posted: Thu 01/07/2010 08:02 AM , by: Cheryl D. Slusher ( cdslusher@email. phoenix. edu ) Previous | Next Red(High) Yellow(Medium) Blue(Low) No Flag Reply View/Print Flag Message Mark as unread Axia College Material Appendix G Peer Review Checklist* What is the main point of this essay? I think the main point of this essay is that obesity is a major problem in the US and that eating healthy and exercise is a way to combat the issue.
What is the greatest strength of this essay? The detailed facts, examples and the definitions are what I found to be strong in this essay. Defining carbs, proteins, and vitamins as they are in the food we eat is essential for this type of essay I think. Does the introduction grab your interest and make you want to read on? Explain your answer. I was not grabbed by the introduction. It read informal I think. I came to it and it was labeled and then two bulleted statements. I was left with a want for the author to have given me some form of personal insight on the subject.
What material does not seem to fit the main point of the essay or does not seem to be appropriate for the audience? As I read the essay and came to the end there were definitions of what the introduction and conclusion should be in essays. I am not sure if this should be there. It seemed odd. Where should the author add more details or examples? Explain your answer. The thesis statement states fast food can lead to obesity yet I see no direct example within the essay linking any fact with fast food. I saw no comparison on explanation of how fast food is just plain unhealthy.
I believe that is a well known fact but I felt as if that would have been useful. Where is the writing unclear or vague? I think the writing of this essay was very precise. The facts seemed well stated and clear. The definitions were clear. The examples of food and what they contain were very useful and well written. If I were too seemed lost anywhere in this essay I would say it was structure issues. What is your favorite part of this piece of writing? My favorite part of this essay is definitely the definitions and explanations.
Protiens, saturated fats, sugar, alcohol the pros and cons definitely made this learning piece for me. I enjoy learning so this was my favorite part. What other comments might you provide for the author? I read this essay and was grateful for the definitions, facts, and examples that were used. They were very clear and precise. I liked that immensely. I did not understand the definitions at the end on introductions and conclusions. If it were me I would work on my structure. I am not a teacher these are just my opinions. Hope they
